Summer Sex Wars (or why gender matters)

I hate this topic. De-test it.

Ain't shure why I'se gonna post on it, but tangential to assignments, I'se havin' to revisit the obvious that has eluded most of the modern public. By which I mean the educational establishment and pollyticks. Since I'se stuck wif' it, so's the Back Porch.

Sex is so natural ya'd think folks wouldn't have to think too long on the whys and wherefores--but modern life and false assumptions has ruined it such that today very few folks is reporting "happy" love life.

Take the summer sex wars as jes' one example.

TIME and NEWSWEEK battled it out, the former wif' a piece, "Is there hope for the American marriage?" by Caitlan Flanagan-- the NEWSWEEK piece is a silly flip page on polyamory. The venerable Atlantic featured a post-feminst whine, "Let's Call the Whole Thing Off," a marriage therapy diary by tongue an' tell journalist Sandra Tsing Loh, whose personal journey mimics the dull misery of most liberal metrosexuals.

Mebbe ya heard how arch-feminist Naomi Wolf an' nemesis Phyllis Chesler sparred over when/ why women should or should not wear the Chador.

I tell ya' it is a tempest jes' barely less than health care reform--an in the long run, may be more important.

Ain't no wonder I has a three week headache.

First, folks, the research is long, voluminous, an' jives wif' known human experience fer 10,000 years: people are happiest when they grow up bein' a natural male or natural female, git hitched, have babies who grow up male or female an' git hitched an' has babies who grow up....

But post moderns in luhve wif' trendy genderologies have railed now fer over a decade; they ain't happy now that they got it all: the career, liberated morals, the *domesticated house-husband*, the designer baby, and the house at the Hamptons. Somebody had better pay. The post-feminist acid ire is corrodin' the inner sanctums of the girlz -in-the-know.

The historical purpose fer feminism was to git the vote for other half of humanity (though they ain't done so good wif' it), insure that women-folks git edoocated as they wanted, would be paid fairly fer similar work when said work was done by menfolks ( a bookkeeper is a bookkeeper, not more accurate accordin' to their genetic plumbing).

The purpose fer feminism as ideology ain't to pretend that gender doan matter. Oh it matters, all right.

Why would anyone think the moon and the sun was interchangeable?

The attempt to domesticate the boy/ man has made life a livin' hell for many of its victims, male or female. Genders ain't interchangeable. It doan matter how ya try to spin it, socialize it, twist, push or pull it, it still matters. Nature made men and women fer sex, an' messin' up the men wif' femininizin' agendas ain't wrought nuthin' but angst at best, monsters at worst.

Men should be men, not "male kitchen bitches" as one disgruntled "power-sharing" modern metrosexual wifey wrote. De-sexed roles negate actual gender differences an' then we's surprised when team members is injured in that very significant way?

The menfolks is watchin' the Wrathful Wimmen Show.

James Rainey in the L.A. Times criticized Loh fer her view of married men as "domesticated sexless drones." Over at MensNewsDaily.com the froth was dismissed as Loh's "mewling" about modern married men as sexless competitor wives--a problem unique to the liberal rich. Not a few have noted the rise ( heh) of male enhancement ads at the very time that women, even women as old as 60, act like teen teases, an' digital footsie is universally available. Clearly somethin' ain't workin' right. Easy virtue ain't an aphrodisiac after all? Who knew?

The ole folks knew.

Enter Ms. Wolf in her newly found Chador. It's liberatin,' says the curvy iconic feminist--why, daon ya know it shields her "mystery." Ah.

We used to call it modest suggestiveness. Ya know, soft dress that clung whar' it oughta, but covered enough fer the poor fella to desire to uncover. I'se wif' those who say Wolf has lost it on this point--to a degree-what she is discoverin' is that some modesty ENHANCEs the mystery between men and wimenfolks. (But ain't no need to abuse wimmen by lockin' 'em up in 16 yards of shroud.)

In short, marriage as lived in the post-feminist model is makin' men an' women jes' plain miserable. The menfolks flee to the cyber siren, the liberated an' the desperate housewives "calls the whole thing off" as Loh did. But on her way out Loh threw a "retrograde!" jab at Flanagan who simply (despite bein' a liberal) said the obvious: traditional marriage and traditional roles are the recipe fer marital satisfaction. This is not to preclude a woman having a career, or Dad changin' junior onc't in awhile-- but it does mean that said wife's career necessarily steals time and energy from legitimate wifely roles--an the attempt to shift those roles permanently onto men eventually backfires-he woan do it the way a woman would, then the woman gits aggravated, an' the unravelin' begins between the "competitor wives."

A pop novel tells it all: I'd rather Eat Chocolate reviewed in The Atlantic recounts some of the raw pain of modern couples whar' the husband prefers porn an' the wife prefers chocolate. This is what feminist ideology has done fer us?

Which brings me to our fellow (ahem! She's a her) blogger, Foamy. She has one (Sept. 8 ) hilarious post up on some freak idea of threadin' a wire up yore spine, it's attached to a remote control--jes give yore ownself a jolt of libidinous excitement whenever ya please. Well well...narcissism reaches new heights. The Tomorrow File arrives.

Feminism has indeed given us Women and the Rise of Raunch Culture. Which takes us back to Ms. Wolf who at least got one thang right when she wrote about Feminism and the Male Brain

What the world now is women, not feminists.


Doom said...

I love it when you take out the hammer and then simply hit the nail on the head. I certainly agree, and have come around to that way of thinking (if it feels like I am circling the wagons with my kith and kin in thought against a vast hostile force(s)).

Reading here has inspired me to write about this topic. It has been on my mind, of late, but I just could not get to it. Until now.

Reading through the Old Testament helps though. God has often set his people against vastly superior (in numbers) forces to test their faith in Him. Yes, the more things change, the more they stay the same. Nyet?

Aunty Belle said...

Doom, seems to me that when ya git the basics outa kilter, the rest starts to wobble.

Take the whole economic meltdown thang--I see a vague parallel.

We tried to make capitalism work like socialism lite--that is, thinkin' we could have it all in one: the innovation of capitalism, the "each according to his needs" of socialism.

So we hamstrung a virile, go-get-em! capitalism, weighed it down wif' chores that warn't in its DNA, made it act like a half free-market, but demanded it play the other half as government goody-bags--BY FORCE.

Fergit it!

Capitalism has to be free to be virile. It rewards those who deal with uncertainty, with danger of utter loss, the risk takers- the grand dreamers, the walk tall and think big strides...

In Capitalism's prosperous town squares, culture and community thrive. Those with the gentler talents were safe and free to create art, plays, teach, read and write. They were free and safe and thus expansive of heart to assist the unfortunate, to create community institutions where all could participate: libraries, little leagues, community garden projects, girl scouts--all the thangs that weave us together as community an' make the whole of life meaningful, not jes' sterile empty hearted Midas Metropolis.

An'the wee ones did well enough because Capitalism was the John Bunyan, carrying the world on his massive shoulders.

When the haters of differences whispered among the people that capitalism was "unfair" they conspired to bring it down, to declare that Capitalism needed to be tamed, made to walk on all fours so any an' all could pile on, then take the reins, then direct a tamed capitalism to go here, no there!, wait, we demand you take us here!

Eventually the nature of capitalism was corrupted so that it could not serve as it once had, ah, now the "new" , "revisioned" capitalism grew weaker until, emptied of its virility, girdled with socialistic rules of engagement it was forced to act as essentially a hybrid mass of jelly, neither capitalistic nor fully socialistic, an utterly unable to carry anyone on its now deflated shoulders.

An the whiners moaned on in self -righteous tones.

moi said...

Very interesting post, Aunty. When I get some time, I'm going to click on the links and do further reading. I think a lot of women today simply want to punish men for the fact that despite 50 years of feminist advancement, they're still miserable as hell. I see it a lot in my girlfriends. Deliberately choosing weak men, riding herd over them as a result, and then using them as proof of the weakness of men in general. Men do it, too. No doubt we have been complaining about each other for eons. But there seems today that it's no longer done with humor or head shaking, nor with a recognition that it's just something we should accept and maybe embrace, but with a kind of nasty disdain that makes me feel sorry for any young person trying to find a mate in this day and age.

Aunty Belle said...

you said it--the poor young'uns--why is it SO hard fer 'em?

All this "hookin' up" doan have meanin' so they wander from bed to bed...gick. AN' poor thangs doan understand why they's so miserable--so they shop on line fer a date. Fer all the "sexual liberation" has ya ever heard of such sexual unhappiness?

fishy said...

Oh Aunty,
This is sad truth. My take on feminism gone awry is it wrecked American families not just marriages. Yep, we all know kids model on parents. The wrecked family has given current generations nothing good to model on. We have changed our focus with child rearing, no longer do we guide or example what is feminine or masculine or how the two parts form strength as a united whole. Now folks raise boys and girls alike to be athletes, scientists, techno whiz's, etc. That is fine but not to the exclusion of the basics of human design and purpose.

What is no longer taught our youth is to respect the design of their own nature. We should indeed provide them with the necessary foundation to grow into adulthood ready to assume responsibility, use wise criteria for selecting ONE mate for life and providing the same for the next generation. Hopefully they will create the successive generation in joy and celebration and not as a negotiated task at a scheduled time by txt msg.

Ditto Moi!
It is heartwrenching to watch the young women of today. The 20 somethings? They have a tough search to find a mate who will allow them the freedom of an authentic life of their own choosing and not as a annex to his life/purpose. At the same time, they need to find one who delights in her differences while delighting in his own maleness. Too often what they find is just what Moi describes.... some poor fellow who got older but never made it to manhood. Ultimately these women find they cannot love what they cannot respect. Tragic!

I recently spoke with a friend about her senior in high school daughter. She is an honor student in a private school with true academic excellence. She plays in a youth orchestra, has a sport, is well mannered and quite attractive. She has never had a date. Not even to her Prom. For that event? Well, she and 4 other girls went to a Prom party at the home of one of the girls. They all went together for manicures, pedicures, make-up and hair. Then they all got dressed together, climbed into the limo and went off to the Prom. The mother said that boys no longer date in high school and the girls should not miss this benchmark event so she approved this " new way". Right. The photos of those 6 beautiful young ladies ... was sort of like seeing little girls playing dress up.
I was seriously disturbed.

Now that her daughter is looking at colleges, Mom is panicked. It has occured to her it is frightening to even think of allowing her daughter to go away to school. Why? Because she recognizes her daughter while academic, artistic , athletic and attractive ... is socially NOT experienced enough to leave the nest.

Aunty Belle said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Aunty Belle said...

Aunty says look at this too:


The researchers themselves also have an interesting theory about the declining happiness of women:

First, there may be other important socio-economic forces that have made women worse off. A number of important macro trends have been documented—decreased social cohesion (Putnam, 2000), increased anxiety and neuroticism (Twenge, 2000), and increased household risk (Hacker, 2006). While each of these trends have impacted both men and women, it is possible for even apparently gender-neutral trends to have gender-biased impacts if men and women respond differently to these forces. For example, if women are more risk averse than men, then an increase in risk may lower women’s utility relative to that of men.

In effect, what they are saying is that women and men have had certain roles for thousands of years, and our biological and cultural makeup have adapted to those roles. Sudden changes to those roles may cause a stressful reaction in either sex, and according to this research women’s liberation has actually been more stressful to women than to men.

So what can we learn from this research report? First of all it informs us that the traditional gender roles gave women a higher subjective happiness than men, a finding that flies in the face of feminist theory. Second of all, it is inviting us to admit once and for all that there are innate differences between the sexes, and that gender equality does not necessarily mean gender sameness. This is not to say that we should go back in time and re-create stereotypical gender roles that offer little freedom to either sex. It simply means that the project to make men and women exactly the same is a futile one, and a better strategy would be to support men and women in their individual choices, and in having the lifestyles that they desire. If we do that, instead of shoving radical feminism down people’s throats, chances are that the subjective happiness for both sexes would increase.

K9 said...

did you just write male kitchen bitches?!? grrrrherhahahaha aunty. ive met a few poor sots like that. ive long said that feminism meant you had to be a perfect physical specimen make a ton of money and then STILL do the womens work of the household. what a raw deal. yeah. the chaldor looks liberating ....what? looks hot. and not in a good way. agree about the young folks...the girls are selling themselves short.

i remember watching some girls standing around looking available to some boys playing basketball across the street. boys going on about their business until presumably they had some use for these waiting (for what?) girls.

nacherly i went out there and tried to tell them to go out and be about something! you dont see those boys standing around waiting for you do you? wake up girlies. i could tell they just thought i was an old busy body hag. mebbe so.

good post. lots of read meat in here.

Doom said...

Oh, the troubling part of it is, women work so much better when combined with men, and shaken a bit. It doesn't make life perfect, but it does make it better and definitely fuller (I have always gotten more done, successfully, and quickly, with a lady love). As much as I want a wife who will be domestic, bearing children, and such, I would not want one in a sack! I only like my potatoes in a sack, even though I can't eat em' like I like anymore.


I used to love it when my girl (in high school) waited around for me. She loved to watch me play b-ball (or just to watch me). She was screwy, but, yeah, so was I. Women DO wait on men though, that is natural. We men are supposed to ask, lead in dancing, and such. Women wait for/on us seemingly naturally, if they need not wait idly or even always quietly. And, many women like to fuss on men, up to various points. Those who don't can still find a man, some men hate the fuss.

But I think Aunty is talking about natural ways, normal ways, predominant ways. There are exceptions, and I suppose they can work too. But traditional and natural differences are the key. And this is one of them.

chickory said...

doom: perhaps had i described the attire of the girls in waiting, the point would have been better made. grherhaahahaha

foam said...

male kitchen bitch? where can i find me one of those ...

lol ..

actually in our relationship we don't much worry about gender. i'm female, he's male ...
if i don't feel like doing the dishes, he eventually will .. lol ..
and the same, vice versa ..
i don't know if you've come across this in your research. apparently some young people in their late teens and twenties don't really want relationships anymore. ... but casual sex is okay without the benefit of boyfriend, girlfriend. i guess there has always been that, but is much more prevelant now. i'm certainly no prude, but i'm glad when my 18 year old talks about girls he's interested in in terms of relationships ..

Aunty Belle said...


no-- I hear's ya on the dishes thang--no problem. Same round heah--EVENTUALLY Uncle will do them.

What I mean is that some of these wimmen want a male free man--meanin' they want a "sensitive" "nurturing" yadda yadda yadda, "guy."

Now guys is nurturing too-but in a MALE sorta way--an' thas' the way it oughta be.

As fer 20 somethings' and casual sex--sure, youse hit the nail square on. Thas' what the research do show. An' it shows them to be depressed and without a robust sense of the future--the 20somethings doan know why--but sociologists say it is a feelin' of rootlessness, of not belongin'. Ain't that sad?

Reverend X said...

Auntie Baby,

I hear ya and even though I am tempted to slap you on the ass and send ya back to the kitchen where you belong... I gotta say this.

People today are miserable. People have always been miserable, the only difference is that modern technology allows idiots with advice like Dr. Phil to give their idiotic advice to as many receptive idiots as possible every day. Then modern technology allows the receptive idiots to follow that advice and broadcast their feelings to the world. Society ain't less happy than past societies. But back in the day, if some one was mildly bummed about something, he was told to suck it up for "such is life". Now he is told to talk about his feelings to everyone he sees. Not a day goes by that I don't have to look a person in the eyes and say,

"When I asked how you were doing, I expected the answer FINE. It is a greeting, not an invitation to inflict your life on me. Everyone's got problems. Shut the fuck up and do something about yours!"

Sayin' it is believin' it. Mild depression will pass unless the sufferer obsesses on the depression and focuses only on it. Sure fire way to make it into a deep clinical depression. Then comes drugs or worse, the person decides that they truly are not happy with themselves and becomes a metrosexual or what have you.

So the next time you feel down or sad, don't vent or go to group therapy or pop a prozac. Just do this one simple trick. Decide to be happy. That is it. Simply choose to be happy. Most people have a list of criterion or possessions they must complete/acquire before they can achieve happiness. Well, all they achieve is a finished list or pile of stuff. They then look at what they have achieved and decide to be happy. Be so much simpler if people just decided to be without all the flaming hoops, dontcha think?

Aunty Belle said...

Rev X,
welcome back, dear ole' foe.

IN truth, I agrees wif' much of what ya said, 'specially: "Simply choose to be happy."

The point of the post is to note the science/ sociology that charts how much trouble the young mods is havin' gettin along wif each other--they doan have no real romance, jes' a "hook up" or a bed-buddy. Gag. Poor wee thangs.

Despite a mah great tenderness and forebearance ( ! ) toward folks of a different worldview, I does have the same tender ears that I had when ya last left me. Be mindful that I ain't ole enough yet to hear them crude vulgarisms, an' youse got a good enough vocab not to resort to such.

I'se havin' a fine time watchin' you and The Pup in her yard.

Reverend X said...

My apologies. I have a bad habit of including the profanities when quoting... Meant to leave that word out..

And my comment was just additional thoughts on societal depression. I actually agree with you on the absurdity of the feminist envelope and on the dehumanizing side effects of emotionless gratification. We were never meant to get our wishes granted. It destroys the purpose of life.

Sorry again for the vulgarities

Aunty Belle said...

Rev X

See? Thar's real hope fer the world--you an me in agreement? What next-- The Gaza Strip?


Ya DO know, right? That we conservatives who is the soft hearts, romantics an' baby-kissers?

Boxer said...

am I too late? :-)

Interesting post. I've been married 25 years, and I have, what I believe is a very EQUAL marriage, which to me means; I know what I NATURALLY do well and I know what Mr. Boxer does well. It doesn't bother me that I do the laundry and he makes more than I do. I know it's seeded deep in my DNA to nuture and comfort while it's in his to make sure we eat. Or, if you go back a few thousand years... he needed to bring home the deer and I needed to keep the fire going. To me, it's so simple. Does that mean I changed my name when I got married? er, no. I didn't. But I married a MAN and for better or worse, I'd like to keep him that way.

Aunty Belle said...

Ya said the whole thang bettet'n the post --so real, so natural, so, er, OBVIOUS to those who can see. Thanky!

Boxer said...

I'm still reading the comments, RevX makes some good points.

Last comment; no fire, no cooking of the deer. Both are needed. So what are we "fighting" for?

(Personally, I think keeping the fire going is a lot more fun.)

moi said...

RevX said: Decide to be happy. That is it. Simply choose to be happy.

Funny, Boxer and I just had an email exchange on this very thing. That happiness is something you work at and practice and that most people need to just stop their sobbing and get on with it.

As for my spousal unit in the kitchen? Last time that happened he didn't scrape the egg off the wooden spoons, put the baking pan in a place that took me two days to find it, and stuck my Wüsthofs in the dishwasher. So . . . no.

Aunty Belle said...

Eggs-actly Moi!

They doan do kitchen the way WE do kitchen.

An' ditto on the "choose to be happy" POV--else, hush yore mouth cause' (except fer REAL troubles--like ya have cancer, or your hubby was abducted fer ransom) it is charitable to be happy as that spreads happiness.


yep. Yep yep yep. I prefer to tend the fire too, cause watchin' the boys chase the deer is SO much fun--an' keeps them outa the house fer a few hours.

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