Rebel Yell

Hoooo-eeee! Wanna really get us a tangle goin'? Is anythang more temper rousin' than the topic of the Confederacy and the Rebel Flag? Lawdy...well, here we goes, chickens, here we go:

Last year or so, a fella who works at the local utilities came to work, parked his rig in the employee parkin' lot and happily went in to do his daily duty for the good citizens who needed they water shut off for non-payment. He looked jes' like you or me. He was in disguise, yer might say. For Lawdy mercy! The fella was a genyoowhine flag totin' unregenerate Rebel Boy.

On the bumper of his rig was the Confederate Battle Flag. Dixie blasted from his horn too, iffin' youse stoopid enuff to be scratchin' yore itch at a redlight in front o' him.

Natcher'ly some African Americans employees was alerted to this Rebel's appearance in the parking lot by a card-carryin' Gore bumper-sticker driver of a purple beetle painted wif daisies.

The so-fist-icated utilities brass demanded the Rebel strip his bumper or be bumped from his job...a fine display of free speech and tolerance. The Rebel rebelled and off to court they went. Yer can guess what the court said. The African Americans was "offended" by some stars and stipes, but nobody ever told the AA's that their own Black Power adorments was divisive to the common good. But it depends on what the definition of equality is, isn't that right?

Today Aunty Belle is barreling down the turnpike and Osceola Parkway with a bee under her bonnet listening to local radio yakkity-yak. Seems Jeb Bush and other cool-headed sorts is against lettin' Floridians have license tags wif a Conderate Flag on em'.

An' you thought "Choose Life" tags were a political hot- potatoe? Whoo-eeee!

Now, in Florida we got I doan know what all on our tags (Q, hep me--what else is they?) --manatees and cougars and evr'y uooniversity, and, yes, "Choose Life" tags. Along comes Johnny Reb an' the state goes beserk.

"It's insensitive" "It's divisive" "It's nothin' but a glorification of slavery" ...for 15 miles folks is a callin' in an' squallin' 'bout that flag. Some RR (real rednecks) tried to explain, but too many emoters gummed up the hour proving how "sensitive" they were to the ideals of "tolerance".

But that ain't what makes me get hot from head to toe, enuff to roll down mah stockin's...naw, it's the pure T idiocy of the "conservative" yakin' head who think he knows what the Confederacy was. The Confederacy warn't nothin' to do wif slavery, no suh. Slavery was nothin' but a clevery whittled peg for yankees (those curs-ed fools) to hang their self-righteous wigs on.
Ever heah of indentured servants?

North was full of they own kind of slaves(Ain't defendin' slavery by no means a' tall).
Slavery was dying out of its own accord (iffin you wanna check, jes' read Robert E. Lee before the unpleasant event) since the price of a male slave was prohibitive and the cotton gin was whistling along and makin' cotton production less labor dependent.

Naw...the point the Confederacy defended was State's Rights.

State's Rights. Thas' it, pups, State's Rights. As in Massa-chew-setts hooking together thangs that ever'body knows is unhookable. As in Oregon, whar you can getcha' self murdered by a doc for fee. These states is exercisin' they rights. Thas' what the Confederacy stood for--not youth-in-asia of course, but the right to self determination. See, it's whose self-determination we's talkin about ain't it? Oregon can have it but the South cannot?

Ya'll know what the after Roe v. Wade follow-up Casey decision akshully says?? How 'bout this insane provision: "right to define one’s own concept of existence, of meaning, of the universe and the mystery of human life."

Well, mah gouty big toe! I guess I could define my meaning of human life as any life I doan like, I can jes' make into a slave? Why not? Shur bettern' killin' em, huh? Or, what if some freak's "concept of existence" is a harem of 8 yr old boys--we gonna say he has a right to give "meaning" to that by calling it "intergenerational sex"?

Here's the hated truth of thangs:

The machine worshipping Nor'Easterners were commies at heart--(Still are!) an' they wasted no time destroying land and families for the sake of their factories. But they knew to cripple the Confederate states by makin' shur the tarriffs fell mostly on the South. At the time of the War Between the States, the South paid 90 % of all tarrifs.

The South pointed out the original meaning for the Constitution was to strictly limit federal powers and to prove that economics was the cause of the war, note this: When South Carolina tole' that polecat Lincoln they were gonna secede from the Union he did not wail "What will happen to the Union?"

Nope, his caterwallin' was "What will happen to my tarriff??"

Today we'uns oughta sit up and take careful notice. State's Rights was the idea of Washington, Madison, Franklin and Calhoun....an' it's a very wise structure --otherwise the feds git they arse too big for they Armani britches.

Doan believe that? Check out the newest assault on yore freedom--the eminent domain ruling...oh yeah, you got a little piece of heaven yore granpappy left you? But now the urban metropolis is swallowing up ever'thang between you and its jaws....doan even think you can hold out cause the feds done give yore sweet grass to the metropolis iffin' it wants to give it to the developers for throwing more concrete into the sky and thus increasing the tax revenue for the metro....Aunty knows this fer a fact chickens, cause Uncle Aloysius parlayed those Pork Rinds into the development bidness and even he is sick, sick at what the metro can do iffin' he asks 'em for yore land.

The feds is long since overstepped the idea of balance of fed power and state's rights for the thangs that are good for communites. In it's own OZ land the feds let you have yore lusty freedoms, but it is sneaking yore land out from under ye while youse tryin' out fer the mile high club. Nossiree, yore free speech is not allowed if it speaks to freedom from federal gubmint tyranny.

That's what that idiot radio yakker never did say--that the Rebel Flag is about the true freedom
guaranteed by State's Rights. An' afore you fire off some notion that Black folks weren't free in the 1860s, check the history books--those that went North mostly all came on home after a spell, they knew a pig in a poke when they saw it. A 'course, the feds doan want yo to remember that your grandpappy used to be self-determining. That Flag has got to go lest you remember what it means to be free.

Ya'll knows I ain't gonna put no Confederate tag on mah buggy...nope I have a policy of no public display on wheels...but I admit I am mighty tempted to get that bumper sticker that says:

"Visualize Whirled Peas."